I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
