In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the day after is always just damage control
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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