I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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