I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
