Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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