i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
