So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
