When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
