My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
