how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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