omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
