Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
