Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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