someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
