You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
