why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
