Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
