Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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