So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
