Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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