i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
