You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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