I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize