I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
