you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
honey bunches of taint.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
