i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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