Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
