I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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