K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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