Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i need some magic done to my vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
