another moral hangover. fuck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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