Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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