i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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