I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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