New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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