I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
