R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
