i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
