i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize