I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
