**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
