he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
