the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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