Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
