Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
