Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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