It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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