(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
