Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
