really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
