My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
