I want to have your abortion
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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