I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
