Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
