He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had sex on a roof
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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