My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
