Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The maid of honor just puked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
