i already hear my dad disowning me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
