I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
