Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
