i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
