if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
