alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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