Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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