I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
