just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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