my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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