so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
