Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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