I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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