yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
