Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
