I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize