If i come over, it means nothing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
