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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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