Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't notice because vodka
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
