I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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