Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
