So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Terrible idea I love it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
