I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Pooping to opera.
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