Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
