based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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