I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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