Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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