Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
